November filled me with frustration and heartache. As predicted in my Juggling Priorities post, my time for NaNoWriMo stolen away, the opportunity slipping through my fingers, and thus I didn’t hit the 50k word count. I didn’t even come close. I hit 23k, well under the goal. Instead I spent my time in the first half of the month dealing with my father’s memorial and throughout the month dealing with heavy pressure at work to finish a project by an end-of-month deadline.
For work, because this specific project was business-critical, I skipped many lunches to make it happen. Time I normally scarfed down a quick bite and wrote or edited, I worked instead. I almost completed the project on time. It’s a few days shy of alpha roll-out.
Even in my evenings, which I’d normally spend writing with abandon, my energy was tapped out. Drained. I’d write a little, and then capsize, rolling into bed well before my usual hour. Yes, I got halfway to the goal, but I know I’m capable of so much more.
When the end of the month hit, I got some news from work. My job had been eliminated. Thinking about it, I’m not too surprised. I’m guessing it’s financial, everyone is tightening their belt these days, and I certainly don’t take it personally.
I’ve worked for a mortgage company that shut its doors, quite literally, overnight, and I’ve been laid off from a large corporation that went from 4,000 employees to 800 in the space of a year. Business happens, and it’s all a numbers game.
What do I love about writing? It’s not about the numbers. It’s about the connections, the characters, the meaning of it all. When done well, it brings the author and reader together on a field of suspended disbelief, and transcends the empty, emotionless accounting and focuses on the ruthless honesty of the moment.
Yeah, that. That shit is pure magic.
In this moment I’m evaluating my options. Yes, I’m looking to replace my day job. Likely with something a bit different. It may take some time, but I’ll find a great fit, not just a OMG I’m desperate please I’ll take anything job.
In the meantime, I’ll write, knowing I’m absolutely blessed with the time this opportunity has brought me.