Insomnia doesn't matter. - Candice Bundy

Insomnia doesn’t matter.

So says my doctor. You see I’ve had insomnia for years. Decades actually, truth be told. I’ve never slept the ‘proper’ amount. It’s easy to blame my night owl behaviors on any number of things. I’d stay up late reading books. Or go out to coffee shops with friends. Or stay up late reading books. Or go our dancing. Or stay up late reading books. Or blame parenthood and the ten thousand reasons a child wakes you.

Oh, but you’d argue, those are all self-induced. Even the child, after all, I chose parenthood.

But yes, there are actual organic sleep issues. I awaken for no reason. I know I’m not the only one. And I lay there, for hours, wondering why I’m cursed into suck feckless boredom. Usually I get up and read a book. At least then I’m not bored.

So I went to the doctor and I asked for the pretty green Lunesta butterfly, because it seems so much safer than Ambien. I mean I don’t want to be caught sleep-driving, sleep eating, or sleep-sexing. Certainly not one of those poor bastards who’s stuck sleep-driving/eating/sexing. OMFG no, not I.

At this point my doctor asks me a critical question. Do I feel tired? Well, no doc, I don’t. But you see, I only sleep five hours a night. It’s ‘not normal.’

Apparently I’ve watched too much television and the associated commercials. Which is to say, any at all. She explained to me that early hominids (yes, ‘hominids’) went to bed when the sun went down, got up in the middle of the night and ‘entertained themselves’ and then slept again for a while until morning. No, I didn’t ask for a list of early hominid nighttime entertainment activities. I’m sure whatever you’re thinking of is correct.

Anyway, she stressed that however much you naturally sleep is usually correct for you, assuming that you give your body adequate time to get it. So if you wake up, just hang out and entertain your brain. Or something.

Of course, your insomnia might matter. You might get ten hours of sleep a night and still feel exhausted. Or you might not be able to fall asleep because you’re a stress monkey. If so, that blows. Sorry about that. See a doctor. Then again, you just might wake up in the middle of the night, like me, and it may not matter one iota. So don’t freak out. Just hang out and enjoy it. Or read a book. 😉