Last week I visited my sister and her family San Antonio. My son and their daughter get along wonderfully, and to keep them busy over the week we ended up visiting bouncy places and animal parks with petting zoos.

Let’s discuss the abominations known as petting zoos. Who dreamt these crazed things up? I understand proprietors of Snake Farms and Animal Safari’s want additional attractions to draw in the families and entertain children. And sure, it sells tickets. However, let’s not kid (har har) anyone. Goats, pigs, ducks, llamas, roosters, etc. do not actually like being subjected to the whims of children’s affection. They remain in the cage only because they are unable to leave, and generally none of these animals are aggressive enough to permanently damage children. They loosely agree to the terms of the petting zoo contract. The children provide tasty treats, and in return the animals allow brief contact. Children learn that through bribery the animal’s affection can be temporarily bought. This is a valuable life lesson.

Of all the animals at the petting zoos, the goats become the most impatient and aggressive when the treats did not flow freely. At both of the zoos I had goats literally climbing up me and attempting to knock me over for tasty tidbits. And also attempt to eat your clothes, purse, shoes, and whatever else that’s not tied down. That part gets endearing if you’re not careful. The dirt from their cloven hooves stamped into my pants, however, gave me flashes of CSI Farmville.

So I find I do not like these goats.

Dancing Satyr

Now you might argue, wait a sec, you have those satyrs on your wine labels silly girl! How can you not like goats!?! Well, All I can say is, satyr’s aren’t goats people! They are 1/2 man, 1/2 goat. That 1/2 man part is important. Also, have you ever noticed that the ancient depictions of satyrs always endowed them with horses hooves and not actual goat shaped hooves? Well you might have if you’d had imprints of actual goat feet stamped all over your legs and butt, just saying.

Baby (Demon) Goat

Have you ever looked into demon goat eyes? As an example, you can see the demon shine right through in the goat image here. I know it’s just a baby goat, but it’s 100% demon, yes? The iris is all wacky. Okay, perhaps this image is not the best to harden your hearts? It looks like a sleepy baby goat. Whatever.

I will admit I adore goat cheese. Especially paired with wine. Make that a ruby port. Or a Pinot Noir. Yeah, that’ll do the trick.

I’m not saying let’s get rid of goats. Heck no. I’m simply not sure petting zoos serve a valuable purpose or are beneficial for the animals other than satisfying the passing curiosity of a child. The animals certainly don’t enjoy the experience. No, I take that back, they enjoyed kicking me plenty. 🙂

What do you think? Do you give petting zoos a thumbs up or thumbs down? Are goats demon hosts? Is goat cheese sinfully good? What wine do you pair with goat cheese?